Hi everyone
In the last post, I talked about being aware of the ways in which you learn and discovering your personality type as part of your introspection and preparation for subbing. In this final post I am going to talk about the difference between service and servicing. What I am going to share is My understanding of these terms and their application. Nonetheless, the distinctions are provided to enable and empower both the submissive and the dominant.
The last two decades or so has seen a paradigm shift in sexual politics from the dominant to the submissive, the top to the bottom, the active to the passive. Whether pornography, for example is directly responsible for this shift or simply a reflection of it, is not yet known. It is only one of several variables. There has been a distinct shift in focus from subs wanting to serve their doms in the traditional way, through activities such as running errands, providing personal care/grooming, office work, web design, cleaning (for example) to servicing and being serviced as in sex. They use language such as ‘slut’, ‘bitch, ‘whore’, ‘sex slave’. I am not arguing whether or not this shift is empowering for bottoms. I would, however, suggest that this is disempowering for doms, because in these modern scenarios, doms are now sex toys. Role reversal? You bet! One side effect of this shift is that subs, in asserting their individuality (a subject I will discuss in this blog), end up mistreating and disrespecting their doms. Being a leatherman/woman, is no longer about having integrity, respect and honour. It is ‘I want what I want and if you don’t give it to me I will go somewhere else’. I see this as a reflection of our obsession with instant gratification and disposability. Doms no longer command respect; they have to earn it. This may not be a bad thing, given the many incompetent doms that exist who are only in it for their own pleasure.
Apart from those doms who facilitate this very limited activity, I would like to remind you those of you who want to sub:
- it is not about you!! Your dom comes first. Your number one job is to make your dom look good and to satisfy his/her needs, whatever they are. You need to think of the skills, abilities and resources you have that you can make available to your dom.
On the other hand – it is. Confused? Confusion is gooooood! There is much research to indicate that masculine societies promote and demonstrate masculine principles such as aggression, competition, meritocracy, decisiveness, materialism, results, strong leadership and individualism. Feminine societies promote and demonstrate feminine principles such as social relationships, co-operation, compromise, and they also focus on life qualities instead of performance outcomes.
Aggression and competition have always been with us. Individualism, now that’s something else. Unless I am wrong, the modern rise in individualism coincided with the Thatcher years. Baroness Thatcher was prime minister of the UK from 1979 to 1990. I leave it to you to uncover for yourselves the political, social, economic and technological trends that facilitated this rise. The UK, incidentally, is a masculine society. So are the following countries: US, Greece, Italy, Austria, Ireland and Germany. I am not aware of any research done in Australia, Africa, the Middle East, or the Far East (with the exception of Japan – high masculine-low individualist society).
There is one other point I wish to make before I finish. Those of us who come from masculine societies are very strong willed. For those subs seeking mental control from their doms, you have a distinct advantage over them if you have studied psychology and/or human resources management (HRM) type subjects. This knowledge is a resource; it can help or hinder your quest to fully submit to a dom. What usually happens in these cases is that the doms are always capable of exerting physical dominance, though never being able to control the mind, as much as the sub would like them to. The subs on the other hand use their skills to manipulate the dom into giving them what they want.
One solution to this dilemma, if it can be called such, is to find a dom who follows both masculine and feminine principles. This has nothing really to do with biology or physical appearance, although I am not ruling out its importance to a sub. Nor has it anything to do with hypermasculine or effeminate behaviour, though this is more related to internalised homophobia in the submissive.
So, which is it to be: to serve, or merely to service/be serviced? I am not saying they are mutually exclusive. For some doms, it’s not about sex. Yes, sex is important, and can be used as reward or punishment (that’s another story which I may cover) by the dom. An old school dom will usually ask the question: why do you want to serve? You MUST be able to answer this question in much the same way as if you were at an interview for the job of your dreams. If you are unable to answer this question and you are still willing to serve (NOT service), take your time. Do speak to other subs if you are able to. Read around the subject. Find a dom who is willing to take you on trial to give you a taste for submission. You may or may not have to pay for the opportunity. Negotiate if you can. Do whatever it takes to get this understanding and awareness rather than rush.
You may find, after all this soul-searching, that all you want is to fulfil a fantasy and that fantasy is based on a purely physical experience. That’s OK. Just be honest with yourself and say so. If the dom sees potential in you and is willing to invest time and energy, that understanding and awareness can gradually dawn on you through your interactions with the dom. That is probably rare. It does happen, however.
Peace…I AM The Blackhulk
Sources I have used: European Business by Simon Mercado, Richard Welford and Kate Prescott; The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy.
